resignation

this week, I've been reminded for something that I've known for a long time ago.. I've also used that to warn someone who do the same thing like I've done.. Yes.. I don't know what happened to me, but actually I'm pretty tired of something that I've used to do.. I like those things and I never want to leave it but sometimes I felt that I've should be retired from that thing 2 years ago.. but now It's killing me..

people do many things that they love.. they tend doing everything in order to accomplish what they love.. it's sound like a hobby.. maybe it's an obsession.. someone had argument with me that this thing shouldn't be an obsession to all of us.. when he said that I've thought that it was ridiculous.. but when I thought again I've found something interesting and I know that he is true.. sometimes it's became my obsession..

sometimes I can't differentiate it from the reality that I've should done.. I think it's more like my true life.. my purpose.. but I know that there's something big above it.. something that more important than that.. when he said "an obsession", I neglected what he said.. I tried to defend myself with thought that I have.. but I know it's wrong when we get that into an obsession.. I thought that he is too young to say those words.. he is even younger than me, actually it's rude.. but God can use everything in order to remind us about something, isn't it?

we know some great people in their expertise.. we know michael schumacher that he had 7 championship title in Formula1 and we know valentino rossi who won motogp for the seventh times.. they have done their best on their age.. but now they cannot reach the top.. they are too "old" to do that things.. they cannot compete with the youngster.. and they should be retired when they still in the peak of their career so many of us will remember their as a legend.. and they could be proud for what they have done.. but they choose otherwise.. of course they will be a legend but in the different quality..

I could say that I've done my best in the previous years.. but not this time.. I can't be retired in this situation.. it just makes me going deeper and I can't save myself and trapped in here.. it's a regret for me.. I could do anything that is more "worth" than this thing if I didn't trapped in this situation.. I just don't know the way I could do to save myself..

I love you and will always love 'till rest of my life.. you are the part of my life.. and I can't ignore you.. but it will be good if I go away from you.. it will keep you and me in the safe condition.. you can continue your life and I can continue mine.. well I think there will be no more time until we get separated..

I've been reminded about something about teaching.. it said that we, who became teachers, must be careful on what we teach, because we will be judged more strictly.. sometimes I feel sick about they who teach but cannot applicable what they teach in their life.. there are no proof about what they taught.. so do I.. I am not a perfect person like all of us.. and I know that we are still can make mistakes.. nobody's perfect.. this is an paradox actually.. but we cannot do everything at the same time.. we still need time to make a progress in our life..

me too.. I was a teacher and I do the same mistakes like others do.. I cannot applicable what I taught.. and I feel sick of me.. it's like "I'm a liar".. well I don't know what will be happened with this post.. and what is the conclusion behind this.. I just write but I get lost.. it goes nowhere..

sometimes I remember what ms. herla said to me.. and I will be remember that words.. it sounds like a foolish word but I don't know it is prophecy or not.. and I do not want to know.. I just want to escape from this things.. it's tiring me, you know? it's killing me.. but I have to stand up to finish my duty.. just give me strength for a little time to finish my duty.. at least I can give influence that we should finish what we start, even it's not the best that I could do..

someone told me that when we decide to retire.. it gives us more chance to destroy ourselves.. we will live alone and no one will take care of us.. no one will support us.. but for me.. I choose that option for now.. but we won't know what will be happened in the future.. yeah.. after I finish my duty, I will put my resignation letter.. see you..

"Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." James 3:1 (NIV)