gaining trust

“trust take years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair"

there are many quotes about trust, and I can’t count it.. too many quotes that can explain to you that trust is the one thing that you shouldn’t take lightly.. it’s one of the biggest compliment that human can reach from others.. you may love someone but you didn’t trust them..

me too have a problem with trust issues, as i told you on my previous blog post.. i kinda less trust people.. even the closest one.. because it makes me a little bit vulnerable and worry in case they blow up my secret.. so i tried to zip my mouth.. but i tend to speak, so it quite a little bit difficult for me to keep something by myself..

sometimes i share with someone, of course i picked them first whom i will share my stories, but the reason is not because i want to share or talk, but i have to share with them, for many reasons, such as to know their opinion, to relieve my burden.. though sometimes, i have a tendency to keep one or two part for myself, i don’t know how or when i can be truly honest to someone..

maybe i haven’t found someone that i trust so much

you nurture trust on someone based on many variables, a lot of discussion, sharing thoughts or maybe same experience that occur between two of you.. it takes a lot of time, need continuously progress.. you just can’t trust someone that you met just once, it’s a little bit crazy though if you trust them on your first met..

days, months, years, and finally you can gain a little bit trust from someone, your significant others maybe, your friend that becomes best friend because of you trust them.. they tell a lot, share their secrets, maybe they yell at you, fight with you, because you’ve gained their trust.. trust is a foundation on relationship..

and then they reveal their true side, their darkest secrets that no one knew.. do they afraid you will tell their secrets to others? maybe. maybe there is a big doubt on their live before sharing it with you.. they need to tell, or they want to tell, but something inside their heart says that they shouldn’t share it with you.. for their own sake..

and yet, you gain their trust.. and they told you everything..

maybe not everything that happened in their life.. it’s just a small part on their lives that they think you’re worthy enough to get it.. their trust to hear their stories and secrets..

and you hear it

you think about it.. you wonder how could they can tell you this little part, that maybe no one knows, and then you begin to think how important you are in front of them.. you want to hear their secrets, but on the other hand, it’s a big secret.. and you wish that you didn’t hear it..

you keep it for yourself, because they trust you..

and then you think again.. again.. and again.. you want to be a part of their secrets, you want to share your secrets with them too.. as a reward of their trust given to you.. you share and tell.. because you feel that you can trust them too..

but you didn’t fully trust them.. you’re still in doubt..

and you keep something for your own selves.. for protection.. in case you can’t trust them anymore.. it’s not that they’re not trustworthy, or can’t keep secrets or promises.. you are the one that untrustworthy perspn.. it’s you.. you.. yourself that can’t trust people.. the mistake is in you, ourselves..

you do your daily by keeping their secrets, promises, and one day.. you do something stupid.. a relationship, trust that you’ve gained for years.. you break it in seconds.. you backstabbed them..

it doesn’t hurt, because they don’t know how it feels..

you’re the one that feels it.. and once they knew you ruin their trust.. pain will come.. like a wave that will sweep you away from them.. you’re drifted away far away from them.. and they just can see from a distance with their small lips say “how could you?"

how could you break your promises.. how could you ruin a trust..

just keeping them it’s not really a hard thing to do, don’t it? you cry and weep.. and they do not hear you.. you try to walk toward them, but wave of regret sweep you away.. and you keep trying to reach them, to gain their trust..

for a second time..

a third time, fourth time, and name-it-how-many-times-you-ruin-their-trust.. they will accept you, but still keep a distance between you and them.. in case you ruin their trust again..

and it was a reckless decision, a stupid one for us to commit a violence of trust..

sorry.. for being stupid..
for ruining your trust..

could you give me a chance?