when you want to leave your holes

you dig your holes and hide in it.. took a shelter from a wild world, where any fierce animals can eat you alive..

keep staying inside, until you found yourself a little bit strong enough to face challenges out there.. or maybe you feel that it’s a little bit boring just to stay in the small hole for a couple days.. or maybe until someone drag you out from that hole.. a hole that keep you safe for a little while, a hole where you ran to when there is no place that accepted you..

you might feel that hole is a little bit comfortable, you think that it’s part of your life, and you’re meant to live in that hole for ever.. but you were wrong, you have to get out of your hole.. it wasn’t your place, and never be your place.. your place in a world called home, not hole, when everyone accept you as you are, with a slight adjustment..

you pack your bags.. ready to leave that hole..

when you look outside, the shine shines so bright and you can’t see the world clearly, because you’re too long staying on that hole, where there’s only darkness, no light.. your eyes haven’t adapted yet, and you may start thinking that it’s a bad idea to leave that hole, and it’s a really bad idea from the start.. when you entered that hole..

i don’t want to hear your excuse about how and why you created your hole, it’s your own problem, and you have every right to do it..

because digging into the main reason or main problem is not essentially needed.. how you live your day from now so forth.. there is no need for you to look back and reexamine why you acted like that, because first, it’s not worthy, second it can drag you down again, third it’s freaking tiring.. and you maybe won’t remember the reason in the first place.. so now, get out

go and chase your dream..
go and face the challenges..

though it might be harder for you to start it again.. finish your unfinished business.. face the world that made you like these.. but don’t you think that there’s a beautiful world out there.. far beyond dark cloud and stormy and raging seas that you see in front of you.. if so, get it

the first step is the hardest, isn’t it?

everyone is looking at you and with their wandering eyes, curious mind, and so ever.. and you feel uncomfortable with their responds.. you wish that they welcome you warmly, open their arms, and hold you tight so you didn’t come back to that hole again.. but it’s not.. it’s just on your mind..

they may looking at you from a distance.. and after a minute of silence, one person come closer to you..

you think that one person is the person that care you the most.. you wonder that the person will hug you and hold you and whisper.. “it’s okay”.. you think that the person will smile as you come back to the earth.. and you keep those thoughts..

but, you’re wrong..

the person come closer, and say a single word.. “why?”.. and deep down inside you don’t want to answer that question, even if you know, but the actual answer is “i don’t fucking understand either”.. and it cut your flesh inside.. before you answer with a single word, or maybe a single letter, they come and ask you another question that you don’t want to hear.. for now at least..

you’re covering your ears, trying to stop those voices, but you’re defenceless.. you try to stop them by answering them, but they didn’t stop.. you want to scream, but no one cares.. they just keep asking you a question.. and then you turn your sight into someone who look familiar to you.. the one that seems trusted..

you run to them.. hoping that you can get protection from them..

yes, they recognise your face, and welcome you by open arms.. but deep inside you know, you can't get what you want from them.. because in the first place, they didn’t come after you.. they stand in the far back of the crowd.. and somehow you feel sad.. because you’re hopeless.. yes, hopeless

because when you want to do something right, the whole universe didn’t help you at all.. because when you want to leave your hole.. no one there that want to lend their hand to you.. to help you arise.. because when you finally want to be a better person, it seems that no one wants it.. because you think that they didn’t care in the first place.. even the one that you think you can trust..

and then you remember a line:
“the night is darkest just before the dawn"

you feel the darkest one, but you don’t see the dawn coming.. you feel that you’re being deceived.. you scream that the world is unfair.. if someone want to do something better, does it mean the world will help them? or just leave them in the middle of confusion.. once again, you feel that you have nowhere to go.. and one thing that cross your mind..

and then you run, faster to your hole that you left.. you don’t care about others.. you hit everyone that stand in the way.. all you can think is the hole that you left.. you feel that it was a big mistake for you leave that hole..

and then there’s a single person in front of your hole.. covering the hole with their body.. so you can't get back and trapped in that hole again.. and then you look at their face.. you know them.. yes, you know them so well.. "but, but why, why I didn’t see you when I went out?” you wonder..

and then you realise, that this single person is on your back from the moment you walked away from that hole, so you can’t see them.. and you see them when you back to your hole, because they’re on your back..

the thing that you can do is look at their eyes..

look inside their eyes.. you see the darkness, that you once experienced.. you can feel the pain.. and then you feel that you’re trembling.. you can’t move your arms, even your mouth.. and then you can only think why they look familiar to you.. you roll back your memories and find out that this single person has been with you in the same hole.. they watching you from a distance.. but didn’t encounter you or initiated a talk.. but you didn’t know that they were there..

your hands are shaking.. and when you want to say something ...

that person hug you.. and hold you firmly.. you shock from that.. the one that you didn’t expect, just show you mercy.. and know what you feels.. because hug removes all anxiety that you currently have.. there’s no word that can come out from your mouth..

and then you feels that your face a little bit cold, because there is a tear fall.. you didn’t know, why you cry.. you can’t even think about it.. you try to move your lips, and say a word.. but no words that come out..

“I know"

you hear those whisper in your ear, though it seems a simple line with a whisper, you find it that it speaks louder than it is.. it’s echoing in your mind and your heart.. and you can’t help but crying.. you haven’t feel this sensation for so long.. you have no place for other things to occupied your mind.. just this one

and you hear the voice once again..

“it’ll be okay"