are you ?

there are some questions that remain in my heart, and keep spinning on my mind.. because, you know, I’m a thinker, so I tend to think every single thing.. even some retard question, I can change it to deep question.. or maybe just a simple question, like.. “where have you been?” it could be a quite devastating for me..

I have 3 or 4 questions that I used to think when my mind is on blank state.. I mean, where my mind didn’t have anything to think or solve, these questions will occupy my mind.. I will call them, remarkable question.. maybe these questions didn’t have any big impact to other persons, but to me.. it quite great affect my life..

I will tell you, one from those remarkable question..

I won’t tell you who or how this question had been asked.. but this three-words-simple-question have affected me for the last few weeks..

at first, I can’t answer this question because I’m in shock state when being asked.. but seriously, this three-words-simple-question made me stood still, and my brain worked very hard to find the answer.. though my heart already found it in seconds.. or to be precise miliseconds..

I already know the answer, but I didn’t want to admit it at first, because I think.. what’s the point of this question.. I mean, everybody wants to be happy, they work very hard to get some money, and spend it, just for having a relief by purchasing something.. or they go to bar and drink and do some stuff to make them ‘happy’ or to be precise, I would call it to-forget-your-current-life..

nobody wants to be unhappy..

but the question reflects my life in the previous year.. I mean, I tried to be happy.. enjoy everything, upward or downfall.. but, it doesn’t that simple.. even when I want to write about this answer, I couldn’t express my inner feeling.. because somehow, words cannot deliver what you really feel..

part of myself can answer it in a blink, but my other self cannot solve this question for a week, a month, or maybe years.. or maybe this question will be a remarkable question for the rest of my life.. I mean, nobody wants to be unhappy.. but what we do, what we think, what we write or express, somehow we did it not because we are happy..

it just some autopilot program, that our mind construct our body to do that way.. to do that something what we really don’t want.. because we want to be happy.. but sometimes we do otherwise, not only because we are unhappy, but because we want to be unhappy..

in order to know happiness, we must know what it means to be unhappy.. somehow we choose to be unhappy, because we do not know how to be happy.. the clouds seems too dark, and the seas seems too rough for us to cross that path..

and what is my answer to that question?

logically, how we define happiness.. this is an abstract thing that only heart know.. our mind try to convince us that we are happy, though we already know it, because your heart tell it so..

maybe, this will be a better question:

you are not happy, are you?