warner bros

if you were a fan of harry potter movie, you might notice this.. each movie closer to the end the opening scene got darker.. from the youthful and full of surprise and laugh at the beginning at the movie, the story itself got darker on the last episodes..

if I recall the beginning of this blog, I might notice that the stories that I write got darker each day.. somehow I cannot write the same thing like I used to do back then, for example when I was in college.. yeah people change

although I hate it very much,
I can’t deny that
I changed
a lot..


so back then, a lot of people like to told me this:
“kok muka lo ceria banget sih, kaya gak ada beban”, or
“kok lo kaya gak peduli sih orang lain ngomong apa”, or
“lo kok cuek banget sih orangnya"

and now I can answer this question:
I busy fighting my own demon inside myself, yet I didn’t have a time for taking care the mundane things..

mundane, I love that word.

so, this blog got even darker in the past few years, and I remember exactly the moment of the darkest of this blog and even myself.. and yet, my old friend come to me once again.. and I embrace it once again..

why? because I can’t fight them alone, no I can’t fight it..

if I recall myself back then, I used to run over things that I can’t handle.. and maybe I will do it over again, since it’s a part of my life..

this christmas, this december, a month that I wait for my life.. but it seems have no meaning.. this month has been so cruel to me, it did a lot of more damage than I can bear.. a lot of things happened this month especially.. no, it wasn’t getting better.. but someone said, if it’s not happy, it’s not the ending..

so maybe, if I reach the end, I will be happy? maybe…

this december may become one of the gloomiest christmas that I ever experience.. so now I embrace my old friend to come to me..

why? because I didn’t recognize me anymore, I can’t feel anything
the one that I feel is a fiery anger that consumes me
and a big deep black hole of disappointment inside of me

I am just too tired to put a fight over it..
over the life that been extremely complicated and exhausted..
somehow I wonder why I still like this

because no one can tame me and the monster inside of me,
sometimes I could devour them, but the one I need
someone who can befriend with them, maybe

so, now
I will run and run
with my old friend


“Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again~”