i need help

if the last two months I were battling with the outside me, now this month is the new chapter for me.. I need to overcome myself.. yet it is not an easy task, because I have tendencies to be like this in the future.. I don't think that I could finish this battle, it seems that it is like never ending battle..


on the night like this, I put my phone to play one song that helped me to overcome my problem in the previous years.. it's the only 'christian' song on my dark song playlist.. I put this song to be repeated one.. I really need encouragement from anyone out there, and I need divine intervention to help me.. you know, it's like you face a battle that you know it is hard to overcome it..


can't sleep, have no desire to do anything, these months have been so amazing for me, going ups and downs in a couple days.. and somehow I feel like I'm useless, everything that I touch is going to crumble.. it makes me have no self-confidence.. to be honest I don't want to be on autopilot mode on.. even though I pass these storms, I don't feel that I overcome it.. but to be on present is like a burden to me..


and this night, I opened my blog and goes to a dark time when I was in college.. I think that I have already on the same position back then, but yes, I passed it.. but.. it doesn't feel right.. yes it didn't..


I tend to run away from the problem on my face, I tried to ignore it because of autopilot mode.. yet I didn't find any better solution.. but on autopilot mode, I lose myself every single time, and the cycles going shortened..


I do really need help.. yes I do..


some said it might be a quarter-life crisis, but for me, it's not.. it's like I'm losing myself


I lost this battle, maybe I will lose this war..