it's getting worse

I think I have told you many times about my physical condition on this blog.. not certainly mention or write about that topic (maybe?).. but I think my body is going weaker and weaker lately, to be precise in the last few weeks I think my body was getting worse.. you know I hate to go to doctor, because somehow I can’t describe my condition with well, I tend to think and feel that it’s okay, or it’s not that hurt, basically because I didn’t know how to measure pain and so ever.

I think on a few years ago I told you about my right hand condition, and I write a post with my left hand, because my right hand is so painful to do something like typing or writing, or when I drive and my muscles seems to stretched out, and I can’t shift gear on my car, and drive with second gear I think..

or when 4 years ago when we did retreat on mount karmel, puncak.. on saturday, third session maybe, I didn’t recognise it very well, my feet felt so painful, and I can’t barely standing, though it might occurred because of another problem, but that was hurt, it was very hurt..

and in the past few weeks, my back seems to be in pain.. the pain that I felt let me to sleep unwell, or maybe going sleep late (insomnia) because I can’t put my body in the good position to sleep, sometimes I sleep on 1 or 2 am and on 7 I need to get up and go to work, and because I didn’t have any quality sleep, I can’t work with well nor do any activities with 100%

sometimes my toe and my knee is so damn hurt, and I need to bear it when I drive, especially in traffic, it is so annoying..

beside my back pain, I felt my neck and my right hand body so stiff, I don’t know if its just come through my senses or my imagination, but yes it is.. from toe to head, my right hand body sometimes in pain, sometimes I got migrain, sometimes my shoulder is so stiff and I had trouble on doing something with my right hand, but lately my lower back pain seems worsen, and today my left shoulder and my left lower back is on fire to make uncomfortable..

I don’t know, but after 4 years, since mount karmel incident, my body wasn’t getting better..

you know, I was trained to endure pain, but if it continued I don’t know how much longer I could bear it..